Feelings

I think I felt the Bean yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I nearly freaked out actually! LOL So as not to get stressed about feeling movement, I was not expecting to feel anything for another couple of weeks. I've been told that with your first pregnancy, you don't feel anything until 18-20 weeks usually, but then I've heard other variances as well. So I figured, let's hope for something around 18-20 weeks, and certainly not start getting stressed out about not feeling anything yet.

Well.

Yesterday, I felt something. It was like when a moth is beating it's wings and flying against a pane of glass. Only much, much softer. A flutter. On the left hand side, down near my pelvic bone.

I stood really still afterwards, kinda half freaking out, half overcome with excitement/emotions. Tears welled up! I was at work, so I went and rang DH to let him know. He said he wants to be able to feel Bean moving too. I guess that's one place where the dad gets left out, cos he won't be able to feel the movement for a long time.

I know it might have been something far less cool, like gas. But I'm gonna make a note of it as the day that I felt Bean for the first time.



In other news...

I've lost my husband. He was working until 10am this morning. It's now almost midday. I thought he might've got caught up at work, so I rang. He left over an hour ago. His mobile phone has no service, and I can't get hold of him. He didn't mention that he was going anywhere after work. I have no idea where he is, and it's starting to really freak me out!!!!

I hope he gets home soon..........

A question

I have found, predictably, that once you tell people that you're pregnant, they ask you a standard 'set' of questions... how far along are you, when are you due, have you had much morning sickness? etc

I recently discovered that I feel kind of uncomfortable about one of the standard questions.

Is this your first?

I don't know why it bothers me so. Yes, it's the first time that I've carried a baby this time. Yes, it will be my first born child. But it's not even close to my first pregnancy.

And it's not as though I want to tell every random person on the street about my history. That's really not what they're asking. And I don't want my 'secret IF life' to be such public knowledge. But I still feel kinda funny answering that question. Maybe it's because it reminds me of all my failed attempts. Maybe I feel a little bit guilty 'pretending' that they never happened. I'm not ashamed of them, or of having an IVF baby, but I still don't think that I need to dredge up the sad past all the time.

Having a baby, and being pregnant, is a happy time. And I know that people asking the questions are happy, and innocently asking a yes/no question. I guess I just feel a litttle conflicted about smiling, and saying "Yes, it is."

Starting to show...

Had an appointment yesterday with the midwife at my obstetrician's rooms. I see her twice, and the rest of my appointments are actually with my obstetrician. On the up-side, the midwife always runs on time, unlike my obstetrician who is notoriously late, cos he gets busy delivering babies :)

All was very straight forward. My BP was normal (I was pleased it was back down again. It was a bit high at my first obstetrician appointment because I was stressed.) She felt my uterus, and measured my fundal height, which was 15cm. I think it's supposed to be 1cm for each week? So technically it should have been 14cm, but I'm sure it's not that accurate!

And I'm glad now that I know approximately where the top of my uterus is, cos I was feeling around all over the place in there, and I had no idea what I was feeling!!

Also, she put the doppler on to see if we could pick up Bean's heartbeat. She stressed the point that the doppler is a bit "hit and miss" at this stage. But she found it!! I was really happy, it's the best sound in the world! Only heard it for about 5 seconds, and then there was a swishy sound and we lost it. I think Bean was feeling active!! She moved it around, and we picked it up again for about 2 seconds, but lost it again. She said there was a lot of static, but that was just the placenta... I have no idea why that sounds static-y!!

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I guess I must be showing a bit more now! One of the girls at work touched my tummy today, and asked me if I was preggers... so must be noticeable now!! I was wearing a singlet top under my work shirt today that is one size smaller than I usually wear, and I have been pulling it down all day!!!! It is driving me crazy, and I am never wearing this singlet top again!!!