Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A question

I have found, predictably, that once you tell people that you're pregnant, they ask you a standard 'set' of questions... how far along are you, when are you due, have you had much morning sickness? etc

I recently discovered that I feel kind of uncomfortable about one of the standard questions.

Is this your first?

I don't know why it bothers me so. Yes, it's the first time that I've carried a baby this time. Yes, it will be my first born child. But it's not even close to my first pregnancy.

And it's not as though I want to tell every random person on the street about my history. That's really not what they're asking. And I don't want my 'secret IF life' to be such public knowledge. But I still feel kinda funny answering that question. Maybe it's because it reminds me of all my failed attempts. Maybe I feel a little bit guilty 'pretending' that they never happened. I'm not ashamed of them, or of having an IVF baby, but I still don't think that I need to dredge up the sad past all the time.

Having a baby, and being pregnant, is a happy time. And I know that people asking the questions are happy, and innocently asking a yes/no question. I guess I just feel a litttle conflicted about smiling, and saying "Yes, it is."


Clare said...

That's a tough one and I totally understand your conflicted feelings. Hope you can still enjoy this magical time though x

Just Another Infertile said...

That must be hard. I am not ashamed of my IVF or IF, but it is hard to share with everyone after every question.

I'm glad things are going well.

Danielle said...

O! I know what you mean...I hate that question, too. As if something is less special about this baby because it's my third (or fourth, or fifth) pregnancy...that's why it bothers me! It is such an awkward question...that's kind of like the weird people that come up and touch your belly as if it's public property...or the blarney stone or something!