Friday, September 19, 2008

Countdown is on... Last month of trying!!!

Why is the chocolate all gone??


I wonder if it's weird that I'm excited that it's finally less than 4 weeks until I get to see my obstetrician again? Seems like forever since I had the laparascope, and got the appointment. It has in fact only been about 6 weeks. How could it feel like so much longer?? Anyway, I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel now that it's less than a month away.

So seeing as good ol Flo came to visit, I'm now officially in my last month of trying before I get my IVF referral. Some mixed emotions...

I think the main feeling is kinda relief. Cos almost 4 years later, I'm just not so sure that I can do this myself anymore. And now that I know there's help coming for sure if we need it, I guess I feel a little relieved. It'll be more or less out of our hands.

I'm also feeling nervous. I mean, we don't exactly have the best track record at baby making, and any time I get pregnant I feel incredibly nervous about losing it. I would super-hate to go through all the trouble of IVF, and then lose that too.

When John (my obstetrician) told me that he'd refer us for IVF if we hadn't got pregnant by my next appointment, I told my closest friends. Of course then they wanted to know what is involved in IVF, and I had no idea to be honest! I'd never looked into it. John had always said that it wasn't an option for us, because getting pregnant was never our problem. Anyhoo, I checked out the website of the IVF place in our area, and it was fab. I spent hours on there, reading all the info and advice and stuff. And I felt so empowered afterwards!! Of course, I realise that it's no walk in the park, but at least now I know what it's all about.

I told mum that I'd looked up all that info, and she just turns around and tells me that I 'won't need that.' She seems to think that there's been something in me mentally that's been stopping me from getting pregnant, cos maybe I wasn't ready, or I was scared. Bless her, I love her to pieces but she drives me crazy sometimes!!! I told her that if she's at all interested in learning about IVF, check the website out. I doubt if she will, cos she's clearly convinced that we don't need it.

So the official countdown is now on!!!

Here's to our last month of trying before it's referal time :)