2nd beta... on track

Sorry for taking so long to put an update on here!! Work has been chaos as usual, and I've been exhausted all the time, taking 'nanna naps' after my shifts. Plus, have had a couple of things on in the evenings this week.

Had my 2nd beta on Thursday, and feeling fine about it. My nurse rang with the results, 3994 which she said was normal. Sounds like a great number to me!! I've only had a beta that high once before. With both my early m/c's, I haven't managed a beta anywhere near that high. It made me feel a lot better about my chances of carrying this little one. Everyone keeps telling me how strong it is, and we're staying positive about it.


Had a little bleed this morning, which freaked me out a bit. Hardly anything, just 2 wipes worth on the loo paper after I peed. It was fresh looking though. Have been reclining on the couch all day since, and haven't had any more. DH has been really, really good, getting me food and drinks so I can lay around and try to relax.

I know DH always finds it incredibly hard when there's even a hint of something going wrong, so I know he finds this difficult. I stayed really calm when I told him, and didn't make a big deal about it, even though secretly I was talking myself into relaxing. He has always said, that he won't feel really secure about things until we get the ultrasound where he sees the heartbeat. That's the one thing we have never achieved before. Less than 2 weeks now until the u/s.

So, I'm really happy to have the weekend off, AND no plans for once, so that I can chill all weekend.

Next beta is on Thursday again, fingers staying crossed until then!!

1 duck and 2 fat ladies

Kinda. I think. I'm not really into bingo talk!!! lol

Anyways, had my bloods done today, and it's official.

Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beta today (16 days post transfer) was 288. I'm not really an expert on betas to be honest. The nurse said that they expect a number between 80 and 100 today, and that I'd done very well!! Although baby med says that normal range for 4 weeks + 2 days is 200-300. My friend A still thinks we're having twins :)

More bloods next Thurs, and the Thurs after that, to make sure the beta is rising nicely. Then the (dreaded) ultrasound is the Thurs after that, which happens to be the same day as my followup appointment with my RE, so that's worked out nicely.

I stopped in at my obstetrician's office after work (it's almost right next to the hospital I work in) and started the process of booking in. I know you have to get in early!! Unfortunately he wasn't there, he was in surgery, cos I woulda loved to have seen him, and I can guarantee I woulda got a big hug!! Never mind. Haven't got the appointment yet, cos his books are pretty full, but the receptionist said he's planning to add in some extra appointment times, and she'll get back to me.

It's still kinda surreal, but I'm liking it. And I don't feel shit scared like I have the last couple of times. We're staying positive. We believe that this is the right sperm, and the right egg. We know it fertilised nicely. So now we just wait, and make sure it 'sticks' around.

Yesterday... 8dp5dt....

OK I totally caved yesterday and POAS. Why? Because the box made some very impressive claims...

• Australia's most sensitive test
• Most women have enough hCG to be detected as early as 6 days before the day of their missed period
• 99% accurate
• Simple

So I was still planning to do the thing on Wednesday morning, and thought I'd do the right thing and follow the instruction "Please read this leaflet carefully before performing this test." And came across this little tidbit... can be used at time of day. There is no need to use first morning urine. Well, that was all the encouragement I needed!!!

I went and peed on that thing, with my good old afternoon urine :) And as the liquid was moving across the results window, I could already see 2 lines. 2 freaking lines!!!! I had to leave it there on the floor, and leave the room. I was shit scared that maybe they all look like that as the liquid moves across, but then if it's gonna be a negative, only one darkens up and the other one fades?!

Longest. 3. minutes. ever.

When I went back in the ensuite, I kinda snuck up on the test, I was scared to look at it!! But here it is...I'm so stoked to have a dark line!!! Previously, ALL my HPTs have had a faint line, and I hate it so much. I have this pee stick sitting next to my bed, I had to look at it again when I woke up this morning, in case I dreamt it!!

I'm 4 weeks pregnant today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We spent last night driving around, stopping in at both sets of parents, DH's sister (the good one), and my 2 besties. We are still waiting, of course, for Friday's BT, and keeping our fingers crossed for a great beta... but in the meantime, yay!!! We'll spread the good news a little more after that... of course I would tell you girls tho!!

DH wasn't actually home from work yet when I POAS, and the traffic was terrible, so I had to wait a whole hour before I saw him, and showed him the pee stick. A whole hour!!! OK I admit, after half an hour of excitedly waiting, I had a nap!! LOL

My BF A said she couldn't believe that I got such a dark line at 13dpo, especially with afternoon urine. She used the same brand, and despite it's claims, she got a negative result the first time when she did it with afternoon urine.

So, if everything progresses as we're hoping, we will be due to have a little bubba on October 28th!!!

I'm so relieved and excited.

7dp5dt

And the waiting is starting to irk me. This really is a test of patience, and of my mental stability.

Only a few more days to go.

I had to really talk myself out of stopping at the supermarket on the way home, because I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from buying a HPT!! I don't want to be tempted by it yet. While there's not one in the house, I can't give in to moments of weakness, without a trip to the supermarket. And let's face it, I'm kinda lazy :)

I still have a couple of symptoms, but I can still attribute them all to something else (eg progesterone) so I'm trying not to think about them. And for the most part it's working, thank god. Hence, I'm still (mostly) sane.

I rang my RE today and made another appointment. The clinic recommends that you go back and see the doc about 2 weeks after the BT. My appointment is actually almost 3 weeks after the BT, but Dr W only consults once a week, so what are you gonna do? Really.

My mum gave me a crystal yesterday. She said that she chose it when she was in a meditation class. It wasn't her first choice, but somebody else took the one she was going to grab. Then she got this one (it's clear quartz). While she was meditating, she was thinking of nothing in particular, and the image of a moving (really active!) fetus came to her in the crystal (she assures me she is not, in fact, crazy). And she felt compelled to give it to me. So I've had it in my bra ever since. I'm scared that I'm going to lose it some time when I take my bra off cos I always forget it's there, but every little good luck charm is important at this stage!!

I will let you know when I give in to the urge and do a HPT. I'm kinda thinking it might be Wednesday.... we will see, cos I'm shit scared of getting a negative result.

4dp5dt... Waiting...

I'm proud to say that I have not driven myself psycho.

Yet.

I have tried not looking at anything, or my body, too closely, and trying not to over examine everything I'm feeling. I know that afew of my 'symptoms' are possibly side effects of the progesterone that I'm taking every night.... such as waking up in the middle of the night to pee every night, around 3am. And being quite tired despite being on annual leave this week and taking it easy. And the sore boobs, which frankly have been hanging around for awhile. And I think I've found a couple of veins here and there that I hadn't noticed before, although I am honestly trying not to look for things!!

Today I feel slightly blah. Not exactly nauseous. But as I'm getting hungry, I feel a bit blah. I have this weird thing where I kinda don't want to admit to anyone that I'm feeling anything. Cos what if the embryo hasn't taken, and I end up with a BFN. Then I think I might feel kinda stupid. Or psychotic, which will probably be not far from the truth by next week anyway.

I'm still ever so slightly sore from collection, too, which I am pretty over now. It's just a teeny niggly dull ache now, but I think that 9 days post collection, it should be about done. They did say that I would be sore, especially because they collected so many eggs, but really.

And yesterday (PS this might be TMI) when I wiped after I peed, there was what I assume was some progesterone gel coming back at me. And a teeny bit of brown mixed in with it. I guess it was old blood?? I had a teeny freak out at first, as we do. But then I settled down pretty quickly. It was definitely brown, no hint of red. And I figure it could possibly be from implantation. Or, more likely, probably just a remnant leftover from collection. And I've had nothing since.

I am trying to work out which is the best day to POAS, any advice??? I would hate to do it too early and get a negative. And so far I'm not at that point where I feel like I desperately need to POAS (probably cos I know it's too early right now, and there's nothing I can do about it). But I'm sure by next week I will be holding myself back from buying a test... or seventy.

Oh, also today we got a letter in the mail from my nurse coordinator, giving us a summary of our treatment cycle. Turns out we have just the one snow baby. I'm glad we have one, I would hate to have had none left, out of 27 potentials!! So I told DH that if we want more than 2 kids, we will have to either make 1 the old fashioned way, or do this whole thing again some day, with ICSI. As I've said for a long time to people who ask me how many kids I want, "Let's start with one, and see how that goes" :)

The big day... Transfer!!

I now have one little embryo inside me.

It's so cool.

It's so surreal.

What am I now? Pregnant? Almost pregnant? An embryo carrier? A substitute petri dish? I don't know! :)

Arrived at the hospital this morning for our embryo transfer. Unfortunately, DH was back at work today, and being a Monday, there was no way he could skip. So we met each other there. He went to work for a couple of hours prior, and then had to go back again afterwards.

Got admitted pretty promptly, got my labels on again (they get checked about a bizillion times) and then we waited. Seems like we waited there for ages, for the embryologist to come see us. Cos yesterday was Sunday, we didn't get an update on the embabies, so I was keen to find out how they were doing.

Turns out, we had one beautiful blastocyst, and that was the chosen one for transfer. She showed us a photo (so exciting!) and pointed out the nice 'core' in it, and the 'fluffy' cells around the outside, which are apparently the features they look for when selecting a blastocyst. We have another one that's almost as good, but it's core isn't quite as nice. That will probably be our only snow baby!! A couple of others who didn't progress overnight, will be checked again this afternoon to see if they catch up to freezer-worthy status. So that might be it! (btw, this photo is not my photo, but that's what mine looked like)

Then we sat and waited some more. DH was holding my hand, cos I was feeling nervous. After a while longer, a nurse came (another one that's looked after me before) and took us to the "Transfer Room".

OK it's a small room, with a little curtain near the door. There's the world's most uncomfortable looking chair in the centre (I guess I was the star of the day after all), a tiny ultrasound machine next to the chair, attached to a laptop. A small chair for DH on my other side. That's about it. My chair was of course height adjustable, slightly reclined, with gorgeous stirrups at the end (optional velcro straps to 'tie' you down) and a moveable lamp thing by the right stirrup. Woo, what a joy ride!!

After stripping my bottom half and covering up with a blanket, again we sat and waited. My palms were sweating a little, but I was generally okay I gotta say. There is an option to take sedatives prior to transfer, but I've been told that it's better not to, and to be honest I really didn't need them anyway.

Check out my transfer toes!! :) I went with purple, then added some 'Diamond Shine.' In the end, I was wishing I'd worn socks. Even though it was warm outside, my feet actually got quite cold sitting around waiting for Dr W! I made DH hold them for a sec to warm them up a bit :)

Finally Dr W came into the room, and I gave my permission for a student doctor to come in as well (hey the more the merrier in the tiny room, right? hehehe Actually, I know they have to learn somehow, so whatever). Dr W said that we'd learned some things during this cycle. He said that even though we had a great number of eggs (27) we really didn't have a great number of them fertilise. 10 did nothing at all. (9 were too immature, they were excused). Dr W said that although sometimes egg and sperm don't like each other very much in the lab, it was still a low number. So if we have to stim and collect again (please God no) then he is going to do ICSI to improve the fertilisation results.

Dr W almost yelled at the student doctor, who had started to close the door. Dr W said, everyone feels a need to close the door when things are happening vaginally. (Thank God for the curtain!) But when someone is bringing an embryo from the lab, you don't want them to have to take a hand off your embryo to worry about opening the door. Fair point I guess!

Then on with business. Another nurse that I know from previous admissions in the hospital held the ultrasound probe on my tummy. She was fabulous! She showed us all the landmarks that we were looking at on the screens. Showed me where my bladder was, where my uterus was. Dr W put the speculum in (fairly gently actually!) and then passed the guide catheter, and you could see the end of that on the screen as well. When everything was in position, they rang the lab and asked them to bring the embryo. (I know this is long, sorry! I want to have a record of it for myself)

On the screen, you could see where they passed the catheter through the guide catheter, and stopped about 1cm from the uterine wall (apparently that gives you the best chance of pregnancy). Then we could see the fluid passing through the catheter, and then there was a white blob on the ultrasound screen. That's where the fluid, and my little embaby were! Again, it was really surreal to think that the miracle of life was happening right there, inside me and on the tv screen!!

I had to stay in the same position while the lady went back to the lab to ensure that the embryo hadn't gotten stuck in the catheter. Once we got the all clear, the room cleared out. After all the waiting, it happened so fast!! I couldn't believe it was already finished! Dr W said "Hopefully that will be the only IVF you ever need." I kinda hope he's right!! He said that we had a 75% chance of getting pregnant from this cycle, cos there's a 50% shot with each of our 2 beautiful blastocysts. So we're certainly trying to stay positive and "glass half full" about it, and hope that this is the one!

Unfortunately DH had to go straight back to work, which was such a bugger cos I wanted to go and celebrate. So I met up with my mum and my sister, we went to my favourite Chinese restaurant, and had a banquet for lunch. It was nice!

My blood test is going to be next Friday 20th Feb. I'm wondering which day I will POAS, might depend how long I can last for. Right now I'm feeling calm about it, but I wonder how long that will last. I've certainly heard that this 2ww is tough.

****************************************************************************

In other, not so exciting news, our state is in crisis. Saturday was the hottest day Melbourne's had since records began. It was the hottest day any capital city in Australia has ever had. In Melbourne, the mercury hit almost 47 degress celcius. And there were winds of up to 100km/hr. Consequently, there were an unprecedented number of bushfires, all over the state. Some are still burning out of control today. So far the death toll stands at 130. Several towns have been wiped off the map completely. Around 1000 people are homeless. We are blessed not to have been in any danger, although we could smell the smoke and there was a horrible smoke haze all over the sky. It's our state's worst disaster in history.

My well-behaved embryos

And then there were eight!!

One more jumped on board yesterday afternoon, woo! :) C tells me that they're all doing fine, and all where they should be on Day 2. I am so relieved. I hope y'all don't think I was being ungrateful yesterday about having 7 embies in the lab, I was just stressing about them.

I thought C would never call. I emailed her a little before lunchtime and asked her to call me at work, because I had left her phone number at home. Good planning, Mel. Anyhoo, I watched the phone like a hawk for the rest of the afternoon (luckily I didn't have to discharge any babies today!) and it never rang. Dammit.

Got my mobile out of my locker after work, and I just missed her call. Dammit again. Tried calling her back, but there was no answer. Grrrr. I sent her phone number to DH's mobile and asked him to call, as I was about to start driving. 5 minutes later, she called, SO apologetic that she hadn't called me at work. Never mind, at least she called. I would have gone mad thinking and worrying about my embabies all night until tomorrow's call!!

Took me forever to get to sleep last night. First of all, I couldn't get comfortable. How long does this damn bloated abdomen hang around for I ask you?? And then I couldn't turn my mind off. No matter how hard I tried. Think I got to sleep some time around 1am, which always makes the 5.15am alarm more fun!!

Anyway. After speaking to C on the phone today, I am feeling much happier. I'm still having some separation anxiety, but feeling less stressed about the embabies. Tomorrow I get the call to book in a time for transfer.

Fertilisation Report... Day One

C rang me today far earlier than I expected!

It's DH's bday today, and I happen to be off work after egg collection, so we decided to go to the movies, nice and relaxing. All my literature said that I would get a call between 2-4pm, so we caught an 11.45am session. And C called me before the movie started!! I freaked out a little, wondering why she would call so early, but all was ok.

She said she was calling to see how I was... well, still pretty sore actually. And it's not just my lower abdomen, I kinda hurt all over my guts, and I'm still walking real slow. Sure hope that improves before my return to work tomorrow!! On the upside, bleeding seems to have just about stopped, which I am loving. Finally, when they said that the bleeding would only last for about 24 hours, they seem to have been right!!

OK so here's how my little lab babies are doing... 9 of those eggs were too immature, and didn't fertilise. Fair enough. 7 fertilised overnight (yay!) And there's another 11 that they were going to check again this afternoon, to see if anyone fertilised late.

I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, 7 is fantastic. We are currently referring to them as the 7 dwarves, although I'm really not keen for a Dopey or a Grouchy :)


On the other hand, I was initially disappointed. What the heck are those other 11 doing??? C said that they were able to add sperm to all of the eggs, so what are all those other millions of sperm doing?? The egg is right there after all, it's hardly much to ask for them to do!!! Ehhhh

I wonder if I relaxed too much when they said 27. I thought there would be loads fertilised, and it wouldn't really matter if a few dropped off before the 5 days is up, we would still have lovely quality embies to transfer. Now with seven, I'm a little more stressed about how they will grow. I feel really protective of my 'babies' already, and they are only tiny little dots!!

I'm not sure when I get another report. I thought I might hear something this afternoon, after they checked the 11. But so far nothing, and it's getting near to 5pm. I wonder if C will ring tomorrow to let me know how they're doing?? She's not working this weekend, so she said one of the other girls will ring on Saturday to set up a time for Monday. But apart from that, I don't know. Hmmmm. Perhaps I will ring tomorrow if I haven't heard anything. I already hate being apart from my precious little cargo!!

Egg collection

I am far from thinking of a witty title today, but hey! I was just under anaesthetic less than 3 hours ago!!!!

Just got home from day surgery. I'm disappointed to say that I'm still really bloated, and I'm sore, but there is nothing else to be disappointed about, because today went AWESOME.

We got stuck in a little traffic this morning, which stressed me out a bit, but still made it to the hospital on time, so I'm happy about that!! DH had to leave me immediately, because he was booked in to make his deposit at the same time as my admission time. I had hoped to see him again while I was still in one of the little waiting rooms preparing for theatre, but apparently he just missed me. Oh well, I'm a big girl, I managed by myself :)

My RE had warned me that he may not be doing the procedure, because it depended on who was rostered on each day. But I was pleasantly surprised when he walked in the door and said he would be doing my procedure! He looked at my ultrasound report and said I must feel like a balloon that's ready to pop, cos there's so many follies in there. I could not disagree with that!

I also had the same anaesthetist that I've had at that day surg twice before, so I knew all my docs, which I think made thinks easier. He's the head of anaesthetics, you can't really ask for better, can you?? He was lovely again, and I was asleep in no time (does anyone else kinda like that feeling when you're going into a drug-induced sleep?? No? Just me? Okay...)

Woke up a bit sore, but nothing that a hot pack and some pain killers couldn't take the edge off. The nurse handed me a piece of paper with my result on it, and said it was no wonder I was feeling sore... (drum role please)


27 EGGS!!!!

I feel like I should be in the Guinness world records or something lol

One of the nurses who has looked after me every time that I've been there told me I'm a mother hen :) She's so sweet.

DH said that he did fine as well, and the nurse said the sample looked good. So now we wait! Fingers crossed for a good fertilisation report, it's DH's bday tomorrow. My RE said that with a high number of eggs, we had a great chance of fertilising some eggs that will behave for the full 5 days, so hopefully transfer will be Monday.

I think I will be even happier once I'm not so tired. I'm always a little knocked out after anaesthetic, even the lighter ones!! I'm gonna go lie on the couch and catch some daytime tv. DH is cooking dinner :)

Perfect.

Ultrasound #2... woo hoo!!

Let me start by saying, I was feeling SO much better for this ultrasound, than I was for ultrasound #1. Amazing what a decent ultrasound experience can do to thwart one's irrational fear of ultrasounds.

We arrived at the clinic early, traffic was unexpectedly fabulous, even taking into account that it's the kids first day back at school today! We arrived at 6.55am, and my blood giving appointment wasn't until 7.20am. We decided to go in anyway, so DH could read magazines while we waited.

Turns out, most of the 7.10am appointments hadn't gotten there yet, so we were in and out of there in only a few minutes! (much to DH's disgust, he was trying to finish reading the article that he started last time we were there hehehe)

Figured we might as well wait in the ultrasound clinic (next door) even though we were way early for our 7.30am ultrasound appointment... and we got to go straight in there as well!! I rather enjoyed this lack of time to stress about the ultrasound to be honest.

Oh, I went with socks today, because my appointments were right before work. Not too exciting I know, but I'm really into stripes! Can I point out that I also had purple undies, bra and singlet... very coordinated! :)


I thought this ultrasonographer was alot more thorough than the last one. She spent a good deal of time measuring, and she was lovely. (The last one was lovely also). I just kicked back and watched the numbers on the screen. I nearly freaked out when there was one on the left that was 25mm!! A couple of others were 20mm and above, with a bunch of other ones around 16-19mm.

We headed back to the IVF clinic to get the results, and the lady there (not my normal nurse, who didn't start until 9am today) said "You'd better keep Wednesday free!!"

Woo!!! I was so excited, couldn't wipe the smile off my face :) She said that there were lots of follicles, and I must be ready to pop (so true.) She also said it was a really great result for a first cycle. I'm so proud of the team!!

My nurse coordinator, C, rang me this afternoon to give me all the other details. I have to trigger tonight at 8.30pm. No more nasal spray!! SO happy about that!! Tomorrow is a drug free day, also VERY happy about that. And then fasting from midnight Tuesday night, for admission Wednesday morning at 9.30am, and collection at 10.30am. She also checked if I've been having any symptoms of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome... that's kinda scary, I guess the follicles must either be humungous, or in a pack!!!

I think DH was ever so slightly disappointed that we're not collecting on Thursday, cos that's his birthday, and he thought it would be cool to conceive on his birthday :) But I'm stoked!! It's getting so close now, I can hardly wait. Was a little hard to concentrate when I first got to work, but now I have only one more day to get through, yay!

My work pants were kinda unconfortable all day today, due to my embarrassingly bloated tummy. Every time I sat down, I had to pull the waist band up so it didn't sit over my ovaries!

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In other news, I found out this afternoon that I didn't get the job I applied for. I wasn't even a bit suprised, I'd already convinced myself that I didn't get it. I wasn't too hard to convince, after my lousy, hormone induced interview!!! I'm a little disappointed, but keeping my focus on making a baby, and looking after myself instead. At least I don't have the stress of a new job to add to the mix.