Saturday, November 29, 2008

Downs and Ups

We had our appointment with Dr W on Thursday. I really didn't have much of an idea what we would be discussing, or what this appointment involved. All Dr W had said at the last appointment was that 'they make you come back and see me again before we start the treatment.'


So I shouldn't have gone into that appointment with any expectations then I suppose. But hey, I can't help myself!! I assumed that we would be making some sort of treatment plan.

When we first went into his office, he already put me off a bit. He clearly hadn't looked at our file before we'd walked in for the appointment. The first thing he asked was if we'd gone away and had all of our testing done since the last appointment... I panicked a little bit. He hadn't ordered any tests that I knew of, except for the bloods!!! Then upon actually looking at our file, he remembered that Dr J had already taken care of all of our workup.

He then proceeded to fill out our "Activation" form, taking down all our test results, prescribing me a starting dose of something, and making a note that I need to commence aspirin after transfer (we had already discussed that previously). Then he gave me a script for the pill, and before I could start asking questions, he was on his feet and starting to head for the door.

I was exhausted anyway, from attending the appointment immediately after my 8th day in a row of working. In the 3 second pause, I convinced myself that the questions I had were either silly, or could be answered by my patient co-ordinator (nurse), and we left.

I felt so lousy, really flat. I lost my mojo :(

DH and I had arrived in separate cars, straight from both our workplaces, and left again separately. My mobile phone battery had just died on the way to the appointment. So I felt so alone sitting in my car, by myself, dead phone, feeling like shit. And of course a song came on that always reminds me that I still don't have a baby.
Good times. Goooood times.

Then of course I started to doubt myself. I was thinking, if I feel like this after a simple little appointment, how on earth will I cope with everything else??? How can I possibly get through this treatment? I'm obviously not as strong as I thought, and I was just kidding myself.

So the next day, I rang my patient co-ordinator, C. And she was fabulous. So lovely, so helpful. It was like the ray of sunshine that I needed after my mojo had up and left me the night before. I didn't have to beg to be able to start down-regulating in December, didn't even have to ask. That was just the plan that C made for me.

So now it's official.

I get to start taking the pill in December, in order to make a baby at the end of January :) Hooray for getting my mojo back quick!

Although the clinic is closed from Dec 19 - Jan 5, C will be in the clinic on Dec 27. I have to call her that day and let her know which date AF arrived on, and she will work out all my dates for me. And I have an appointment to call in and see her on Jan 7 to pick up my drugs, woo!!

Happy Birthday to me, I get a big bag of drugs as a present!! I must have been good this year :)


'Murgdan' said...

That was exactly how I felt after my last RE appointment. They are so 'light speed' about everything. I didn't hardly open my mouth. I think it's worse being a health care professional...I felt like I should be having more of a 'conversation' about the IVF. But nope..he talked..he showed us out..we left confused.

I'm still confused...but I have a few more months until I have to figure it out.

Sounds like you have a good plan, though!! Come on January!

Just Another Infertile said...

Everything IVF related overwhelms me lately. I had a mini panic attack because the Fedex package with me meds didn't show up on time, I almost had a confrontation with a man who took my space in the parking lot on my way to the WTF? appt. with my RE last month, my list goes on. . .

As far as your RE goes, mine is the exact opposite. He goes super in-depth over every hormone involved in the protocol. It's good, I enjoy details, but I feel his strategy is to overwhelm me so I forget all my questions.

There are so many emotions behind these steps and procedures we need to go through. Everything feels emotionally charged. You'll surprise yourself with your strength.

Yeah BCP! You're on your way. . .