Monday, November 24, 2008

Random Ramblings

Warning, this really is a few different thoughts from my head spewed onto the page...

I ran into my obstetrician, Dr J this morning at work, on my way to the kiosk for a coffee. I have to say, I still really really love that man. (Don't tell DH). He is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever met in my life!! He stopped and asked me how things were going, and what was happening with cycling etc, he had really hoped we would be able to squeeze in a cycle pre-Christmas. I gave him the update, and he was so excited that we would be getting things underway soon :)

My BF, A, had her 12 week appointment with him (yes, she has tried to steal my obstetrician hehehe) He said that quite a few of the girls from NICU come and see him, and she told him that we are BF's. He told her that he really hopes we are pregnant soon, and come back to his care. Did I mention how much I really love that man??

AF arrived a couple of days ago. I have been plotting my BBT and I seriously think that it's like magic, the way your temperature plummets when AF arrives!! Seriously, that is pretty cool. Anyway. I realised that this is probably (hopefully) my second-last period for a long time.

And this is our last month before cycling.

I am excited.

I am relieved.

I am nervous.

I have mixed emotions about our last month of doing it the old fashioned way.

Our counsellor said something which really stuck with me. When you get pregnant the old-fashioned way, you're combining any egg, with any sperm. Whereas when you do IVF, they are putting the best of your ingredients together, watching them grow, and then choosing the best one to put back.

So here's my current confusion.... do I want to chance this month on any egg and any sperm? Or just wait the month out, and go for the best. I really don't know what to do. I think I'm really nervous that if we get pregnant naturally this month, things will go wrong again, and our good shot at it will be delayed even further.

I would be annoyed with myself if I delayed the process. Would I be annoyed with myself if I didn't give it one last shot?

I'm not so sure.

Cos I think I am ready for this. I think I am ready for the IVF.

I know I am ready to be pregnant.